搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪。
叶孤城。花满楼。
king旁白。
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠。
旁白：a quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
birdsaredancinginthecold .
amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
windiscominginsilence.
another mysteriousmanapproaches .
y与x相遇．
x：oh ,iamsorrytoknockyou !
y:haha, nevermindbaybay.
x:excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
y:ha ha ,iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens.
i’mthemostfamous---yegucheng. whoareyou?
x:iamximenchuixue.
y惊讶：ar, ximenchui xue?
x:yes,whatiswrong?
y:iheardthatyouarethebestingmartialarts?
x:great, youknowme !
y抱腿：please, please…… don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
x:no, imustkillyou !
aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
x:noway! becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
y突然站起冷冷的说：dont forceme!
x:pardon!
(y拿出一袋牛奶)
x抢过牛奶：milk, verygood! ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
y:pleasedrinkit!
x喝完牛奶：thanks, ha,ha
y:doyoustillwanttokillme?
x:sure, must! milkismilk.
y(恼怒+冷酷):verygood! verygood! ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
x:i’msureiwon’t!
y:imustgiveyoualesson!ifidontbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbeh**eproperly!3-2-1-0!
x捂着肚子，蹲下：oach,oach !
y大笑：haha……
x可怜状： help! help! whereisthewashroom?
y:what ?
x:toliet?
y:what ?
x:the “wc”?
y:oh,i see ,!
x:thanks,byebye.
y掏出纸屑吹：thisisgenuirnesnow!
h:stop!protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
y:whoareyou?
h:hua---man---lou! h**eyouseenximenchuixue?
y:yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“wc” now,ha……
h惊讶：nowyouarethebestintheworld!
y:youareright!
h:teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
y:yes,it’sverygood.
h:ok, followme, let’sgotoseemyking!
y:ok,let’s go!
第二幕：无间道。
h:mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指y） thisisyegucheng.
k:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
h走到y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，h神甫状：yegucheng! headache,sair and aids?
y: yes,ido.
k: huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（**停）
x唱着上：onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!
k:butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
y急切： king! dearking!imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)
k:huoxi? whatdoesthatmean? itisnotenglish, isn’t it ?
y:how clever……
x冷酷：yegucheng! comehere!iwanttotellyousomething!
y抱x的腿：oldbrother ! forgiveme!
x:forgiveme? why?
y: oncetherewasachangebeforeme,ilostit. ifthegodgivemeantherchance, i’lltellyou“i love you”,iftheremustbea limited period,ihopeitisthousandyear!
x:youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“wc”!
y:ilikegoinglady’s wc .i……i……ithinkthatyoulikewhatilike.(ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
x: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
k: ayixidailu?what’sthemeaning? whyialsocan’tunderstandyou?
x:youarestupid! itmeans“i love you”.
k:don’t saythat“you love me”. i’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
x:what? (侧耳装着听不到) you---kill---me?come, come…(ｘ上去抓住k)
k:****you. imustkillyou!
x:howcanyoukillme? haha……
y:letmeh**eatry! 3-2-1-0(x捂着肚子，蹲下)
k: thankyouverymuch, yous**eme. now, i’llgiveyoutheticketforamericantoletyou
h**e**acation.
y:that’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea mm ?iwanttogoamericanwithher.
hahaha……小品剧本大全
y:hahaha---
h:where’ssomewhere?
k:what?
y:doyouwanttogolady’s“wc”?
x:yes,i……i…… do.
h顶着摇头：x,no, no， youcan’tgotolady’s “wc”. thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo !
becauseyouarex ! youarethe bestmanofchinesekongfu!
x: whatifi’mthebestintheword? !
whyitrymybesttolivebuti’mstillsomiserable ? whencanigetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ?
k: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie.
inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo thelady’s wc , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
h: you , stupid , bad beh**ior ! goaway !
k; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
h: myreal name isluxiaofeng---the wifeofx .i’maspy.
k惊讶： !you---you---youareluxiaofeng ? x’wife ?
y: ih**ealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker !
doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you h**e destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today !
轻声说)ｘwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
h扑倒在ｘ的身边：ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
k:what amoving story !i was impressed !
y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
h: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(h忽然将一把匕首插进y的心脏，ｋ吓跑。**《再见，警察》起)
y痛苦状：don’tle**e me here , you know i love you and i h**e nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat i’m wrong .
help me,i intend to be back ,helpme ,i keyyou ,beg you---help me . i’ll never dothat again !(y死，**停)
（x咳，h扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声**起）
h: x , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
x:gohome !
h:tomorrow is another day !evenyou h**e thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
x:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , ipromise i willbealive for you .
but !youknow, ih**enot timeleft ,but you h**e ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !youmustdome this honor...
promise meyou will survive...that youwillnevergiveup...nomatter what happens...
no matter howhopeless...promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
h: i promise .
x:never let go .
h:ipromise . iwill never let go ,
'''ll never letgo.(x死)
h:be alive !yeah , bealive !
bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning !
h自刎，艰难的爬到x身边死。**停。）
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